Banned from zoo.
Again?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
