Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
