if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
