I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize