I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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