Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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