I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize