Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
