My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
