Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
