i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
