if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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