i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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