Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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