if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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