I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
