he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
