i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize