If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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