Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
