pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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