he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
