I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize