I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize