so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
