she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
