one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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