I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
