to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
