please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
