In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
