I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize