By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Barsexuality is the new black.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
