I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
