did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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