I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
