I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
