I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
