Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
being pregnant is like rehab
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
