I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
