Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
