my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Who died my cat blue again?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
