Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize