operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
