The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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