are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
