Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
