So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
