I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
this will be a night to untag.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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