as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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