ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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