I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize