the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
