Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
