he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
