I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
