Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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