At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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