that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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