I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
