Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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