A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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