Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
