he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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