this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
