Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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