OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
