somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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