I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
