wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
