forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
