Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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