I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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