so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
