Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize