Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
