I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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