He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
