Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize