He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
