dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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