I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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