We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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