I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
