Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
