what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
