I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
