remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
