Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
