I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
