How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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