Ketchup is God's man juice
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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