I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize