The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
