she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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